Comment Wall
Here is the Comment Wall for my Storybook Project, Horror to Horcrux: The Untold Life Story of Voldemort's Nagini!
(Image Info: Voldemort and Nagini by Mademoiselle Ortie, no changes; Source: Wikimedia; License: here)
Here is the Comment Wall for my Storybook Project, Horror to Horcrux: The Untold Life Story of Voldemort's Nagini!
Robert, I just want to say that this is an amazing Storybook Project topic! I enjoyed Harry Potter when I was younger, and it's a huge rush of nostalgia to be revisiting the stories I know, but now I get to see the perspective of a background character. I especially love that this isn't a forced tie, because you connected Nagini to the Sanskrit word for cobra. I have only read the Introduction so far, but I have bookmarked your project to go back and read the rest of it later in the semester. There is only one fix I could find in the entire Introduction section and it is a minor issue. You changed tense in your sentence about Harry bringing a permanent end to Voldemort; it should say "allowed" instead of "allows". There were a few places that read weird in my mind, but that might have just been my personal style of writing instead of any actual critique. One way to ensure that all of your sentences flow well is to read it out loud to someone else. I always find a couple of corrections in my writing when I have to share it with others. Again, amazing project, great job Robert!
ReplyDeleteHi Robert! Wow! You have already come such a long way on your storybook. I thought I was ahead but man, you have been working hard. I really like you centered your storybook around Harry Potter. I have never seen Harry Potter myself, however I think it will definitely benefit you to use such a popular and beloved story as your basis. I love how it is not about Harry, but instead focusses on someone that was not as popular in the Harry Potter series. I read your homepage and into and skimmed through your stories, and so far I really like what I see! I like the whimsical, medieval story vibe that your storybook has. It is written like a true novel! Good job and good luck!
ReplyDeleteHi Robert! I just read your whole storybook and thoroughly enjoyed it! I am a huge Harry Potter fan, so I greatly enjoyed reading your story and the nostalgia of the series definitely hit hard. I think you did a great job incorporating Harry Potter with Indian epics. My one question I had while reading was honestly about Nagini's name. You made a big deal about her changing her name after becoming Voldemort's last Horcrux, and how she was a snake. I do know that in the Fantastic Beasts movies it was revealed that Nagini was actually the character's real name. I know that doesn't really affect anything, but it did make me think about it. My other question was that you had several years pass between each story, but I wonder if maybe specifying the amount of years might make the story make more sense? I was confused on the timing (what with James and Lily being full Aurors years before Voldemort made his Horcruxes), and until I read in the third that it was the final Battle of Hogwarts, I was also confused. Maybe if you don't want to add that into the story, put it in the author's note or introduction? Besides those, I thoroughly enjoyed your whole storybook. You did a great job!! I honestly wish I could read more from this storybook.
ReplyDeleteHey Robert,
ReplyDeleteI loved reading your storybook especially being a harry potter fan growing up. It was interesting to see how you could relate this classic story to Indian epics. I haven't read or watched Harry Potter in quite sometime so it was cool to bring back some nostalgia with this story. I really like the website layout you have, it gives that eerie feel and layout that this story puts off. Pretty much everyone knows about Voldemort, it was cool to see you take him and put him into your own story. It made it easier to read, and I will definitely keep reading your stories in the weeks to come. Voldemort has a major roll to play it seems so I wonder what will happen with him?
Hi Robert!
ReplyDeleteFirst of all I am such a huge Harry Potter fan that when I saw your website I was immediately excited. I also like you was interested in using classic Indian epics and incorporating them into Harry Potter world. Your website really gave me some inspiration and kept me wanting to continue that path. I really liked how in your introduction you had footnotes to help further the understanding of some characters from Harry Potter that may be unfamiliar to those who have never seen the movies or read the books. I have already read a couple of storybooks and some authors just assume the reader knows who each character is and their significance and that can sometimes be confusing, so that you for that. Overall, I really liked your introduction and would really like to read more of your storybook. I can't wait to see what more interesting content you come up with. Keep up the good work.
Hi Robert!
ReplyDeleteI love this idea so much! It made me want to go back and read Harry Potter again. I had no idea how you could have connected HP with Indian Epics, but you managed to do it really well! Your footnotes are also really helpful, and informative. I think overall you did a fantastic job, and I enjoyed reading your take on Nagini . Your writing is great btw! Great Job!
Hello,
ReplyDeleteI can tell you had a lot of fun with this storybook. You are SO ahead of me as well. I've only managed to put in an introduction and story but you've managed to compile almost an entire storybook. For one, I really like the images you chose because they really stand out, for example, the fire one! I really liked it. Second, I love how you combined Harry Potter with Indian epics because it is something we can relate to growing up and it helps to understand another cultural or cultural storybook when you can relate to it. Your idea was also really unique! I was a huge Harry Potter fan as a kid and in college I never revisited the books or movies so this was really refreshing! I would just say focus on the grammar and proofreading as there were time when your grammar was off. Good job!
Hello Robert, First of all I thought that your introduction was really good and gave a good insight into your storybook. I thought it gave a lot of good and useful information going forward with your stories. The first story I read was The Fire. I thought this was a unique interpretation of the original story, The Burning of Khandava Forest. In your author’s not you mention that this is the reason why Apoorva hates all humans, but her feelings are not mentioned in the story. One thing I would suggest is just incorporating more of her feelings into the story to add some more emotion. Overall, I really enjoyed your version of this story and incorporated the Harry Potter them for your storybook. I look forward to reading the rest of your stories this semester.
ReplyDeleteHello Robert, I'm back for another feedback comment after reading your first story, The Fire. I have to just say again that your entire concept and the attention to detail is absolutely amazing. I love your retelling of The Burning of Khandava Forest, I can see from your synopsis of the original in the Author’s Notes how you adapted the tale to fit your characters while still keeping the feel of the story intact. I sometimes find it difficult to write within the confines of an original tale, but you’ve done your research and found stories that already lend themselves to the kind of story you want to tell. I have no critiques to offer, the story was solid to me and had a good flow throughout. However, one can always improve, so perhaps bringing this to someone with a discerning eye for editing will leave you with a plethora of improvement ideas that allow an already great story to take on a life of its own.
ReplyDeleteHi Robert,
ReplyDeleteI am SO excited to read a lot of your stories from your storybook!! I am a huge Harry Potter nerd, so I was really happy when I saw your storybook. I actually am really glad you chose to do the background of Nagini (also known as Apoorva) instead of a dark wizard, like Voldemort or Bellatrix. I think this alone makes your story so unique. I decided to read your first story, The Burning of Khandava Forest. One thing that stuck out to me is your attention to detail. Your imagery, such as the cool dew drops, really helped me imagine the story as well as connect with the story more. As sad as it was, I believe Apoorva's family dying really adds to the story with her becoming an evil sidekick. Having family dying is definitely crucial towards character development and I think you could really build off of that! I can't wait to read more!
Hi Robert!
ReplyDeleteI am back again to read more of your storybook! I really loved your introduction and the first story. They really kept me on my toes and I wanted to read what more ideas you had. I think what really caught my eye is. that you didn't chose a main villain such as Voldemort, but rather Nagini and that was very interesting to me. It puts a twist that not many are willing to take the risk of. I also think what I really enjoy and think is a strong suit of yours is your creativity and attention to detail. You focus in on such little things which makes the reader really zone in and feel a part of the story. and that is a good skill to have. I am really excited to see what more you come up with and where your story leads to. Overall, keep up the good work and creativity!
Hey Robert! I REALLY loved reading your Storybook! I’m super impressed at how you seamlessly created an origin and arc for Harry Potter’s Nagini while also incorporating naga stories from the Mahabharata. I love how compelling the first story is, with Nagini’s parents dying in the fire because it really sets up her motivation and emotional state for the rest of the story. I also thought it was smart of you to include the time-skip to tell the story of Nagini’s demise. Your writing is also really smooth and detailed. It was fun to read! If you’re looking for revision ideas, I think it would be cool if you added some kind of “magical” element to the Storybook. I used a website called Genially to make interactive pictures for my last Storybook; you could look into something like that. Or, I would love for the character from your introduction to have a final epilogue to bring his adorable quirky voice back in at the close. I’m really impressed with the work you’ve done!
ReplyDeleteHi Robert! Really fantastic work with the Storybook. It's a rare treat to see villains made more sympathetic, let alone their "henchmen" and that would be clever enough by itself; attaching it to background from Harry Potter just sweetens the deal, so to speak. You covered the tragic backstory, the transformation of grief into unreasonable rage, and the failure inevitable to any quest for vengeance.
ReplyDeleteBasically the only elements I can think to revise, if you choose to do that, would be the following: Nagini's motivations are clear throughout, but the doomed-to-fail nature of those motivations (which you said in your author's note was what you hoped to communicate) are a little bit less obvious. You might add some mid-story reflections on how/why the inappropriately-expressed grief twisted Apoorva into the hateful creature that Neville slew, or perhaps include a brief "what if" story to show a contrasting outcome to her life if another snake had survived the fire. Alternatively, Nagini's fate in the afterlife. But those are just a few thoughts I had while reading.
Either way, excellent job.
Hey Robert!
ReplyDeleteI think you did a great job tying the stories in with the Harry Potter universe. There’s a lot I’m sure you had to navigate between combining not only the original stories but also in making them fit into the Harry Potter lore. I particularly liked your intro. I think you did a good job of setting the expectations for the stories and bringing the reader into the universe before jumping into everything else.
I see why Nagini would take issue with Humans. What I’m unclear on though is why Nagini would take issue with Harry in particular. She did not see the wizards responsible for the fire, and even if she had, she would know it was Sylvanus and not the Potters. Was that belief a deception from Voldemort? Did Nagini discover that the Potters were in the forest when the fire started and assume they were to blame?
Hello Robert,
ReplyDeleteI Enjoyed reading your storybook about Voldemort's Nagini. While reading your introduction I became very intrigued with your theme and the direction you decided to go in. I thought that you did an amazing job of incorporating both Indian Epics and the Harry Potter Universe together. I personally read only the first 4 Harry Potter books (during elementary school), so I am very unaware of some of the plot that you mentioned in your intro. However, you did an amazing job of explaining things and I especially liked the addition of information in the author's notes. I have recently thought about rereading the Harry Potter Series and watching all the movies, and your storybook has pushed me further to do so! Over all great job! I look forward to reading more of this storybook and more of your stories in general.
Hey Robert!
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, wow! I love Harry Potter, and incorporating the HP universe with the Indian epics was such a good move! The introduction gets us directly into the swing of things. As you said, Nagini’s backstory is little-known, and creating its story through the naga stories from the Mahabharata is so clever and creative.
The focus for this week deals with the images. I think you choose your images correctly and it’s relevant to your website topic! You did a great job at crediting the images’ authors.
Overall, your website was clear and easy to navigate. I’m assuming that your storybook is complete, so good job! I hope you had fun writing these stories because it’s a fantastic project.
Thanks for your stories and have a good day!
I really liked the image on your home page. It was very cool looking. Also, this was the best storybook I have ever read. I have no complaints about suggestions. The world-building and the way you tied in the epics were amazing. I really liked how it was about the show-up Nagini's background when we had not known it before. Your writing is amazing as well. You are very descriptive and I was able to fall into your story so easily. It was very well written, I felt like I was reading an actual published book. You should be able to write spin-offs for J.K. Rowling or something. The thing that drew me to your story so much as the fact that you decided to use Nagini as the main character. I did not hear much about her in the movies and it was cool seeing her background. This was written so well it makes me want to go reread the Harry Potter books.
ReplyDeleteHi Robert!
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, I am such a huge Harry Potter fan that when I saw your website I was immediately excited and now I am back to read more. I also like you was interested in using classic Indian epics and incorporating them into the Harry Potter world. Your website really gave me some inspiration and kept me wanting to continue that path, which I did end up doing. I really liked how in your introduction you had footnotes to help further the understanding of some characters from Harry Potter that may be unfamiliar to those who have never seen the movies or read the books. Overall, I really liked your storybook and I am so happy that I came back to read more. You have turned it into something very interesting and I am happy I got the chance to read it. Great job and keep up the good work.
Hi Robert!
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed reading your storybook on Nagini. Like some other readers who I am guessing are big Harry Potter fans, I was a bit confused on the timelines of Lily, James and Voldemort. But I just kind of set that aside because I can see how you were making things work with your source material. It makes sense for Nagini's motivations to have Lily and James be a part of their loss. Voldemort finding her after her loss also makes sense. If you decide to share your stories with other Harry Potter super nerd fans like myself, you might consider giving them a heads up in your notes for the introduction that timelines are flexible. After all it's the wizarding world - maybe Lily and James had a time turner when they worked as aurors! You did tie everything up quite neatly though and I enjoyed reading your stories!
Hi there Robert! I really enjoyed your storybook and the direction that you took it very much. As a huge Harry Potter fan your concept caught my attention straightaway and I am glad I was able to get to it when you completed it! I liked that you gave Nagini her own origin story as in the movies or books she is just seen as an accessory to Voldemort. Your website and writing are done very well and I think you have a great knack for detailed and descriptive writing. One think that I had a comment about was the slight timeline concern, but other than that I feel as if everything read smoothly and looked well put together. You did such a good job on this project and I am glad I was able to read through it as it combined aspects of this class and brought back the nostalgia that I have when reading the Harry Potter series!
ReplyDeleteHey Robert! I had a great time reading your Storybook! I'm blown away by how smoothly you built an origin and arc for Harry Potter's Nagini while also adding Mahabharata naga tales. I really like how gripping the first story is, with Nagini's parents dying in a fire, because it really establishes her motivation and emotional state for the rest of the book. I also thought it was clever of you to use a time jump to tell the tale of Nagini's death. Also, your writing is very smooth and informative. It was enjoyable to read! If you're looking for revision ideas, I think adding some sort of "magical" aspect to the Storybook would be cool. For my last Storybook, I used a website called Genially to create interactive pictures; you might look into something similar. Alternatively, I'd like to see a final epilogue for the character from your introduction, bringing his endearingly quirky voice back in. I'm blown away by the quality of your work!
ReplyDeleteHi Robert,
ReplyDeleteWow! Your storybook looks great! I love your theme idea. I think it is so unique! I love how you have created a kind of narrative for the story basically from the perspective of a narrator who seems to be an expert on the subject. I think it is so cool that you connected the different stories from this class into your story book and applied them to your backstory. I think it is so cool that you have found stories from the Mahabharata that all apply to your story! I think it gives an excellent cohesive feel to the stories that they are all based on the same collection of stories in the first place. If I were to give you any advice, I think putting more photos like your introduction post would be such a good way to continue the imagery of the stories! Adding photos as a visual aspect help the readers experience a lot and I think it could be a cool way to expand your book!